I’ve always been shy. I think you’ll find that most people who enjoy writing are. It’s much easier to bleed your thoughts and feelings out onto a piece of paper than it is to let them tumble from your mouth.
Shyness has cost me friends, made me feel left out and made me invisible.
It’s made me second guess everything I say, hold my tongue when I should have spoken up and made me a follower instead of a leader.
It’s also made me sensitive to other’s feelings, a good listener and creative.
>>Source: shop.scarygoround.com via Lacey on Pinterest
When I was a teenager being shy caused people to label me a prude, a bitch and stuck-up. I was none of those. What I was was a quiet girl afraid of being judged. I was afraid my sarcastic sense of humor would be taken the wrong way. I was afraid that if I tried to talk to someone they’d wonder why I was talking to them at all.
I should have just spoken my mind, because people are going to judge you no matter what you do. Even though I’m aware of this now, I still let my shyness rule.
I thought once my kids started school that I’d start to make friends here, in Texas. I haven’t. Standing in a crowd of other parents waiting for their littles feels the same as standing in a crowd of students waiting for class.
I don’t know how to start a conversation. I fail at small talk. No one approaches me, I feel invisible all over again.
So I start thinking. I start scripting out how I’d like my conversations to go. I start creating stories. I start daydreaming.
>>Image via Pinterest Source: Unknown
Or I watch. I see how one mom looks more tired than usual. I see her son his cranky. I see the dad get stressed out and yell when his two sons don’t listen. I see the little girl excited to see her grandparents as they pick her up everyday from school. I like to think maybe I see more than most.
Maybe being shy has made other senses more acute.
My shyness doesn’t stop in the real world. It carries over into this virtual life I have. Making me delete comments or emails before they’re sent. Who wants to hear from me?
Outside if my immediate family, when I talk to someone, my mind is going a mile a minute. Analyzing body language, listening for tone and examining facial expressions.
The sad part is, all this worrying about what people would think if I spoke up, has actually made me judge myself. Learning to let go of something that has been a part of you your whole life, even if it’s not the best part of you, is never easy.
I’m trying. I’m learning. It won’t be easy, but one day I will completely break out of my shell.
Latest posts by Lacey (see all)
- I Accidentally Joined the PTA Board - May 20, 2013
- Fort Worth Moms Blog - May 17, 2013
- Favorite Date - May 16, 2013
I am horribly shy, I am doing my best to break out of my shell.
It’s hard to do! When I was in school I would take an F rather than do something that had me speak a lot. I’d like to think that I’ve moved beyond that point, but I really don’t know if I have.
I was exactly the same at school, and was also labelled stuck up etc, when really once you get to know me im the most random person you’ve ever met..and i’ll get along with anyone. Your right..im shy and i love writing. I guess thats why i started my blog. I also like reading. I’ve been taking Rio baby groups..i dont want him to be like me. As much as i love who i am. I want him to be outgoing
new follower on bloglovin !!
Me too! I’m really random. I don’t want my kids to be as shy as I was in school either. My oldest is the only one in school right now (kindergarten) and she seems to be doing okay. She is definitely one of the quieter students, but I don’t think she is as shy as I was.
I’m going to go find you on Bloglovin’, thanks for stopping by!
At least 5 times I have deleted and started this comment over….
This is all that remains:
This made me cry.
What a great read. I am so glad you can put this down on paper, I write my stuff in a notebook I reread months and years later. Your aunts posted this story I believe and your aunts are my husband Tom’s cousins well your dad is also. Anyway Tom and I have 3 daughters, I am the outgoing one, Tom is quiet well unless you cross him and than he is loud like his own father also Tom. However, Lacey I know your story all too well, I talked to girls like you in HS a lot of them even in MS girls who moved to the greater Philadelphia area from Iowa, Idaho, Washington state. But the Iowa girl quiet as can and so shy opened up a little and she made friends with the other girls that were also quiet and they had the quiet young lady group in HS. I don’t think I was ever one to judge much not even in HS. I had a great group of friends and I can tell you I am only in touch with one of them now, one. There was 9 of us one of them a guy, only because he and I had been friends since 1st grade he asked me in 11th grade if he could sit with my girlfriends and I because the guys were all jerks, his words not mine and he rather sit with us girls. Well that guy also mostly quiet and super smart learned a lot about girls, teen girls. The girls and I were all different none of us were the same that was why I loved this group of friends. We had shy ones, we had one who was tough girl hard rock chick, one was a hippie, one was overweight and horribly abused by her stepmother, one who was not comfortable in her own shoes and acted nerdy and let boys abuse her mind (she I love her is still going through that but she and I are still best friends!) Than there was a friend whose mom was in one state, she lived with her dad because mom didn’t want custody of her, she got pregnant three times in hs but the last time she kept the baby, that baby is in college now, there was the captain of the cheerleading team and she was hip she and I met in 1st grade and she left for a private school in 5th and 6th but she and I lost touch after 5th. She came back in 7th and we instantly bonded and stayed friends until 31 and then she vanished not really but she strayed away from all her friends. She and I were a day apart in birthdays and we celebrated together for 6 years straight, if our friends were at my birthday they were at hers also! We met up in Las Vegas for our 30th at the Paris Hotel and reunited for a great week but sadly after that she kind of slowly dwindled off. There was our track star, she was 6 ft me 5ft. Point is we are all different, we are all shy in some way, Tom is quiet and allows no friends due to fear of rejection and people crossing him. Not sure why but he chose to have me as his girlfriend and later his wife. So I will take that. YOU have a beautiful family, you have a wonderful husband and you yourself are beautiful and sharing your story is beautiful. I guess I didn’t realize you were in Texas now. I hear about you often and this blog is perfect, I love it and I hope you succeed and do come out of your shell and make a great mom friend in Texas. That parking lot mom may be new to Tx also you never know. Take care. Margo