I worry about silly things.
I’ve always been a worrier, it’s a trait I inherited from my mom’s side if the family, but once I had kids those worries multiplied and sometimes I lie awake at night thinking about them. Sometimes sleep does not come easy.
In the mornings, when I leave the kids with Nana TV, and go take my shower I always leave the windows shut. Even on those days that just beg for all the windows to be open. You see I am afraid of one of the kids looking out the window, pressing on the screen while they do and falling two stories to the driveway below.
When we go for a ride in the car I think about how all my kids are seated and I silently come up with a plan on how to get them all out of the car should it suddenly burst into flames or fall into a lake. I worry about a car hitting the side and injuring my babies.
While they eat their meals I watch them out the corner of my eye, making sure they are taking small bites and chewing properly so they don’t choke.
The nights where no one wakes up or no audible noises come from their monitors I worry that they are still breathing.
At the playground I have to keep myself from holding their hands as they climb, crawl and swing on the various equipment because I fear they may fall off.
I constantly have to remind myself I need to let go, that in order to grow we have to be able to experience things on our own and we even have to experience the pain of being hurt sometimes.
That’s the hardest thing for me, letting go and not trying to protect them from everything. I want to be able to shield them from all the pain in the world and keep them safe.
I need to remember: If I never let my children take that first step from the nest, they will never learn to fly.